They don't have a clue.

Directed and written by Etan Cohen (Get Hard), Holmes & Watson is a 'humorous take on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's classic mysteries'. Will Ferrell (Elf) and John C. Reilly (Step Brothers) reunite alongside Ralph Fiennes (Harry Potter), Rebecca Hall (Christine) and Kelly Macdonald (Brave). After the Queen's life is threatened, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson must stop Moriarty's master plan. Step Brothers has become a classic - are Ferrell and Reilly the secret to comedy gold?

Get Hard; Daddy's Home; Zoolander 2; The House; Daddy's Home 2 - Will Ferrell has not starred in a good movie for years. All of Ferrell's recent releases have come close to topping my year-end worst-of lists. Unsurprisingly, the same can be said for Holmes & Watson - a crude, mind-numbing and unfunny comedy that plays like a fake movie within a real one. Ferrell and Reilly are equally cringe-worthy, desperate to elicit laughs from the audience. Terribly written and poorly executed, Holmes & Watson is a disgrace to Conan Doyle's source material. The film begins with a quote from Hannah Montana, and that's where it peaks. 

For a fairly short comedy (less than 90-minutes), there are less than three genuinely funny and memorable moments/lines during Holmes & Watson. Etan Cohen's screenplay was obviously written to evoke a laugh-a-minute with an endless amount of nonsensical, dumb and rudimentary gags. As a result, most of the film's humour falls flat. Cohen's screenplay mocks suicide, disability and women; after Get Hard, these tasteless remarks shouldn't come as a surprise. Cohen attempts to be clever with 'subtle' political commentary - the jokes that satirically referenced Donald Trump's attributes were too overt to be effective. The biggest joke of all is the film itself. 

Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are game - somebody must have told them this was a good idea. However, their enthusiasm leads to two embarrassing performances; Ferrell and Reilly eat onions as if they're apples, awkwardly communicate with characters through intense stares and even partake in a random musical sequence (the only part of the film that is well-written). Their on-screen chemistry is far from electrifying. Step Brothers 2 would have been a smarter career move. Ferrell's Sherlock rips off Benedict Cumberbatch's portrayal of the character - Holmes & Watson also visualises Sherlock's inner thoughts but in a much cruder (calculating a drunken trip to the toilet) and juvenile fashion. Cohen and Ferrell add nothing to the iconic character. Cohen also mistreats his female characters - Kelly Macdonald plays a slutty maid, Rebecca Hall's doctor qualifications are constantly questioned and Lauren Lapkus plays a woman who thinks she is a four-year-old cat. With roles like these, it is no surprise that these ladies struggle to make a positive impression.

Sometimes an unfunny comedy can be redeemed by a smart and engaging narrative; Holmes & Watson's plot is neither of those things. The script does not even attempt to scatter clues throughout the story, the identity of Moriarty's prodigy could be any of the supporting characters. The film's only red herring is Watson who is obviously not going to be the antagonist; Cohen's script isn't intelligent enough to execute this idea effectively. Cohen's indecisive script struggles to choose whether Holmes and Watson should be looking for Moriarty himself or a copycat - there are a couple of incidences where a Moriarty lookalike is caught, but the third act reveals that the duo should be looking for a completely different person. Once the identity of that person is revealed, their motivations are vague, generic and silly - being related to Moriarty doesn't necessarily mean that they aspire to be like him. The narrative hook is also uninspired; children's films can tell a more exciting story about saving the Queen. Holmes & Watson lacks the wit, sophistication and brilliant revelations of Conan Doyle's Sherlock stories. 2018 hasn't been a good year for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle with the dishonourable Sherlock Gnomes and now this.

Holmes & Watson digs Will Ferrell's career and reputation even deeper into the ground. Luckily, this guy is a household name and will work forever. Holmes & Watson is a trashy comedy that sounds like a spoof, looks like a spoof and is a spoof. Beloved comedy duo Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly were unable to mask a script that seems like it was written by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in the mid-2000s; there's a clever way to create a parody of something and Holmes & Watson isn't it. Despite giving it their all, Ferrell and Reilly ultimately humiliate themselves. Holmes & Watson is a career low for everybody involved, I'll be surprised if Cohen works again. The real culprit of Holmes & Watson isn't Moriarty's prodigy, it is Etan Cohen, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly for producing a criminally dumb film.